As I said in my last post I have a lump. Fortunately they move a lot faster to take care of these things than they used to. I've heard horror stories of women waiting weeks between tests to find out what is going on. I had my mammogram last week. Today I had an ultrasound and biopsy.
I was shocked when I saw the x-ray. It looked similar to this one.
The shock was seeing the big white spot. The doctor said he could not say if it was benign or cancer. That's why we did the biopsy. Another positive is that I will learn the results in two days.
The doctor also said he would recommend I have a lumpectomy even if this was benign.
Now that the scientific stuff is out of the way I can go to the human emotion.
When I found the lump I was concerned not really scared. I'm still feeling that way. I'm mostly scared of chemo. I don't want to feel horrible for weeks on end.
As for facing death...I don't believe I'm going to die. It looks like we found it early. The doctor said he doesn't think it has spread.
The irony is that for years in my more severe times of depression I wanted to die. I wanted to move onto the next world. But now I want to live. I want to be here for another 20 years. Life can still be painful but I have so much to live for. I love my life, my kids and my grandkids. I want to watch them grow. I want to be there for them if I can.
That's it for today. I think that enough.
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