This is a picture of me with Jeremy the day before he died. June 7, 1983. He was 3 days old. The following day he would have open heart surgery. It had a 15% chance of success but he would die without it.
I could write a book about all that happened and my feelings about it. But that's not my intention today.
In case you have forgotten this blog is about real feelings.
I usually try to stay in the moment. I have dogs to remind me to do that. I've learned that anxiety comes from regretting the past and from fearing the future. I've had what they used to call two nervous breakdowns. So staying in balance is pretty important to me. I've been in deep dysfunctional despair and terrible, uncontrollable fear. (These extremes are in the past. 1984 and 2010).
I've been pretty level for the past couple of years except when a life change happens that would give anyone a hard time. Like when Amanda, BJ and the babies moved to Idaho. That was hard.
Well, my son's fiancee just broke up with him. I don't know if that is what set me off this time but I've been fighting some anxiety. I've learned some coping skills so it doesn't get as bad as it used to. But it does make life challenging sometimes.
I have a hard time concentrating, sitting still and keeping on task. my body feels like it's shaking from the inside out. Like every molecule is vibrating.
I recognize when feelings are coming up and I can work through them but it's really hard when I'm alone.
