The Birds Are Happy

The birds were singing this morning as I was out walking my dog. The sun was out after a light storm. I wondered if they were tricked into thinking it was spring or just taking advantage of the moment. Either way they made me smile.

It wasn't until later that I realized it was Valentine's Day. I've never been fond of this holiday as I feel it set's up so many people for disappointment.

When I came to work a co-worker had a half dozen roses on her desk. The mail man at our company was running himself ragged trying to deliver all the flowers, chocolates and cards. My angst must have shown because a dear friend came by my desk. She told me the same thing she had told her single brother, "you are loved by many." That made me cry. Her words made me face some emotions I didn't even realize were there. Here is what I e-mailed to her:

You really made me cry. I want you to know that most of the time I'm fine being single. Being alone is so much better than being in a bad marriage. But once in a while I do feel sad. It's less abut being single than it is about how poorly I was treated when I was married. My first husband treated me like I was never good enough. IN fact he even said so at atimes. My second husband was one of the most self-centered people I've ever met. He never did anything that wouldn't give him something in return. I guess I still have some issues to work through.

Later I pondered my words. I faced that I go through my first marriage again for the wonderful children I have. But I would not go through my second marriage for anything. It was such a wast of years, money, and was nearly the death of me. I realized I was bitter. Then I read from y daily meditation book by Melody Beattie. Here is an excerpt:

"...The Love Day can be a symbol that we have not yet gotten love to work for us as we would like.

Or it can be a symbol of something different, something better. We are in recovery now. We have begun the healing process. OUr most painful relationships, we have learned, have assisted us on the journey to healing, even if they did little more than point out our own issues or show us what we don't want in our life.

We have started the journey of learning to love ourselves..."

Well, I guess you can find a silver lining in every cloud.