Aaargh!

First, I have seriously considered not blogging for a while. I find myself in an angry place and when I originally started this blog was to write uplifting posts that I hoped would touch others. But I also made a pledge that it would be real and honest. So, as many young people say these days, "It is what it is."

Now I find myself in a time of frustration bordering on bitterness. I don't know if it's because it's winter and I'm depressed, that I'm unable to get control of my health or my weight or that something is working it's way to the surface. I've learned over the past couple of years that our feelings will manifest themselves one way or another. While I wish I could be always gracious I am human. I know Christ can heal all things but I believe we have to face them first. That can be an ugly process.

I don't mean that we have to reprocess every single feeling or experience that we've had. But rather that we have to face false beliefs we have internalized whether these beliefs were forced upon us by others or we somehow misunderstood situations. An example of the latter is when a child blames themselves for their parents divorce.

For me, somehow, somewhere I bought the belief that I am worthless and the cause of most conflicts in relationships. This manifests itself with overeating, unhealthy boundaries, depression, fear and axiety. My go to emotion is "it's my fault and I'm worthless."

So keep reading if you want to but I understand if you move on. I hope to come out the other side with a renewed optimism and realistic view of myself.