Suffering, what's the point?

To carry on from my last post. I was able to speak with my daughter about my thought i.e. I hate when living creatures suffer and I hate to see living creatures suffer. Especially people and animals I love.

I told my daughter that I felt selfish for this meaning that it felt like I was worried about my discomfort in the face of others suffereing. She said it's because I haven't dealt with my own suffering. I've had some suffering in my life. I know so many people that have had harder lives and I know many that have had easier lives.

Don't get me wrong. I also have been blessed beyond measure and most often live with a grateful heart. Everyone has problems that sometimes seem impossible to bear. But I have to admit this past time has been more than I thought I could bear.

So, how do we deal with our suffering? My daughter and I believe there was a life before this and there will be a life after. She reminded me that I knew and perhaps even chose the life I'm leading now. That may sound strange but we believe life is about learning, experiencing and growing. She said maybe you need to think about what you are learning from this suffering.

I pondered this a walk in the hills with my dog. It was a beautiful day with snow on the ground and an icy creek passing by. I talk to God, my Heavenly Father, as a real being. I asked him, "What am I supposed to learn from this insight you have shown me about myself. I know you don't want me to feel shame." Then it came to me, my suffering has given me empathy, tolerance, experience and increased love for my fellow man.

But I want to be done with it now, I thought. Once again I had another impression. I am better than most at looking at my weaknesses with open eyes and honesty. That has made me a little intolerant of those that refuse to take responsibility for their own behavior. By trying to avoid pain and suffering my entire life I realized something. This self revelation has been almost unbearable to me. For others their lack of personal truth may be because it is this painful for them to face their faults and shortcomings.

In The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie the January 7 reading states, "Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings my trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless." How true that is. We all have emotional baggage. Later in this same entry she states, "Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with life."

Perhaps this last couple of years has not been filled with more suffering than before but rather I've allowed myself to feel things more than before. It's been cleansing. So, once again I choose to learn, to allow myself to make mistakes and to go on with life.