New Life

I chose this image because it reminds me of the dreams of a home I had when I was a teenager and of the dreams I'm having of a future home.

I was married at 19 then divorced then married again within a shockingly quick time. This marriage ended in divorce as well. I then moved in with my daughter. I began to long for a place of my own and found it but then my son needed a place to stay while he went school.

Now that I am finally having some time alone I wake up in the night and wonder, "Who am I?" I say this with the emphasis on "who", then on "am", then in "I". This may sound silly to some but I've spent my life serving and pleasing others.

Sometimes this service was healthy and good. I have 5 wonderful, beautiful children and 5 grandchildren. Service to them has brought me great joy. I've served in my church and at my work. I've volunteered in schools, libraries and for animal rescue groups.

Other times the service was more like co-dependency. I lost my voice as I submitted to manipulation, dominion, anger and even abuse. I thought that was what expected of me.

Now I search for myself. What do I want? Not in a selfish way, but rather what is my voice and how do I use it to be my best self? What gifts do I have to better this world even in my little corner of it?

I've been listening to Oprah's lifeclass and it is teaching me a great deal. I've not been an avid follower of Oprah. I've seen her now and then and agree with much of what she said but not all. So, I still sort out what is for me and what is not. Yet what she speaks of speaks to my heart: Let go of the past, listen to your inner voice and joy rising.



A year ago I didn't think I would feel joy again. Now I believe it will come as I see glimpses of it from the corner of my eye.