Kicking Up Your Heels

In Utah when a storm is coming the wind howls. Last night and this morning it was particularly intense to the point you had to work hard to walk. Because of this I took my dog on a very short walk just to visit our horse friend. This horse is rather quiet, more like dignified. He acts as if he is doing us a favor to come take the carrot from my hand.

This morning was different. The wind had whipped him up as well. He was dashing around his small pasture and kicking up his heals. This set my dog to barking and lunging. I put my dog in a laydown and the horse stopped long enough to eat his carrot and get a pat. Then my dog barked and he turned his back to us with his leg cocked. Little did my dog know he was preparing for a kick. Fortunately I knew, so we went on our way.

This made me think about how I get riled up. You know when you get that attitude of "What! You want a piece of me?" The word ornery comes to mind. Also from the thesaurus: irritable, crabby, cantankerous, infuriated, annoyed, exasperated or grouchy. I think sometimes that's our way of dealing with pain. Anger is often easier to deal with than fear or frustration, disappointment or despair. I recently learned that anger was my go-to emotion. In my childhood home my perception was that negative emotions were not allowed. There was anger or submission. We didn't talk about negative feelings we stuffed them. So I "decided" at a very young age that anger was the only safe negative emotion to use.

Since I uncovered this mistaken belief I've been able to first recognize and then start to deal with the negative emotions I feel. It's still hard work but it's real. If I'm tired or sad or overwhelmed or discouraged I can deal with that emotion. I can back track to what triggered the emotion and handle it appropriately. I can confront and dismiss erroneous thinking. I can grieve for loss or learn from despair. It feels cleaner and healthier. Where I used to feel confusion I'm beginning to have understanding. It's been a long time coming.